An open letter to every Mom's Group I didn't join.

I quit my job to stay home with my kids two years ago. Over the past two years I have been asked over and over if I've joined any Mommy Groups. The answer is a resounding No Siree. I had high hopes in this area when I first made the switch. I googled...I signed up with 'Meet Up' groups... All in hopes of finding my crew. My Mommy Crew. I have epically failed in this arena. I full on creepily stalked a few Mom's groups... but couldn't bring myself to officially join. I really have no one to blame but my crazy self. I've compiled a short list (this is how I do) of why I fear I am not Mommy Group material .

Problem One: I'm terrible at this whole 'making friends' thingy. It's like dating. I think I would suck at that too. I always claim to be socially awkward but really I don't have the patience to hear about your extravagant trip to Grand Cayman or how every boy born in your husband's family for 9 generations has been named Wilfred. I mean. I would probably be completely interested in that if you were my friend... But you are a stranger... And I don't have time for that bullshit. So. I suck.

Problemo Two: I tell other people's kids what to do. Moms hate that shit. It's a bad habit from being a preschool teacher. I remind them to be safe, tell them to keep their hands to themselves, generally get all up in their business when they are playing with my kids. I'm never ever rude or unkind.... But still. Moms hate it. They also seem to hate that I openly welcome the same. If my kiddo is being unsafe and you see it....tell him to stop! If you aren't crazy about his obsession with super heroes suggest a fun new game...they are one and three and need some guidance. Be a part of my village Ladies.

And my biggest problem: I kind of dig just hanging out with my kids. This makes me the biggest weirdo, I fear, in the eyes of many a Mom. It also makes me too lazy to start my own Mom's Group. I'm super bossy (shocking)... so you'd think I would be all over that nonsense but I can't get myself into the idea of being in charge of anything but my fambam. I legitimately enjoy walking around the park having lengthy conversations about the disposition and history of the troll that lives under the bridge. I enjoy racing down our street with the stroller while my three year old tears ass next to me trying to win. I build a killer Lego fortress and love laying in blanket forts. I'm super freaking psyched about what I get to do all day. Please don't misunderstand. I am always. always. ALWAYS. ready for bedtime to come so I can put those crazy people to bed... and listen to nothing but the sound of wine pouring in my glass. They are exhausting... and some days we all high five for making it through the day without anyone getting voted off the island. But I'm grateful.... and happy.... and having fun. And between that and a conversation about why your family bed was the best decision you ever made... Well. I choose option one.

So. To wrap up... I'm Judgey. Impatient. Bossy. And Weird. It's a wonder that I have any friends at all. Amazingly enough I do.... and I think I'd rather just stick with that lucky fact. So thanks anyway Mommy Groups. Carry on.